I have tried to write this blog for a few weeks, but it has been a challenge to capture my thoughts around the topic of fear. I referenced fear when I publicly shared this blog, but neglected to provide much context aside from confronting my fears. In the last year, I have made several life changes that impact all areas of my life. To say that I fully jumped into a life change would be putting it somewhat mildly. Most of these changes have been for the better and I have been fortunate that things have gone relatively smoothly. However, I would be remiss by not admitting that I have days and nights filled with fears that I cannot ignore.
Ironically, it has not been the major life changes that are most pronounced, but rather the simple shifts that have caused the most fear for me recently. Writing this blog has been a tremendous fear inducing experience. I have been wanting to write a blog since blogs became relevant and it has taken me this long to do so. This fear is not unfounded but goes back to my early years in high school when I had two teachers who scrutinized my writing and intellect regularly. I have two graduate degrees that required a significant amount of writing, yet I still can’t shake the notion of being inept. I wish it took me a lot less time to work through the self-doubt created when I was 14, but here I am finally facing my fear with writing.
In addition to writing, I also struggle with self promotion, especially in a public forum. I have no fear when I go into interviews, in fact I enjoy them! However, when it comes to selling myself on the internet I start to panic and question my approach. I have no doubts in my ability to be an effective coach or guide other individuals through this wonderful thing called life. However, when I am told to share my site, make myself a product, push notifications, etc. I want to close my laptop. I am not someone who enjoys the spotlight and also feel that I am being a bit inauthentic advertising myself through technology when I believe the reason for hiring a coach is to get an individualized plan that is derived from the connection between a coach and an athlete.
This topic is going to lead to another self disclosure because I fear being perceived inaccurately, especially by those of you who are interested in working with me. If you are looking for a coach with a strong online presence or influence then I can direct you towards a better resource. If you are seeking someone who has been a student of the sport for twenty years alongside raising a family and managing a career then I am your person. If you need a coach who is relatable, accessible and who can empathize with the challenges of life then look no further. I want you to invest in someone who truly cares about your progress and takes responsibility for your failures, which is what I will always do. I owe it to everybody who is apart of my life to get the real version of me, especially my athletes.